Try these two magic words
Want to Win any Argument?
Arguments are a part of life. Whether it’s a disagreement with a friend, family member or colleague, we all have moments when we need to stand up for ourselves and defend our positions. But how can we do this effectively without causing more conflict? The answer lies in two simple words: “I understand.”
As a coach, I’ve seen first hand how the power of empathy and understanding can transform even the most heated arguments. When we take the time to truly listen to someone else’s perspective and acknowledge their feelings, we create a space for mutual respect and understanding. Here are some tips for using the magic words
“I understand” in any argument:
1.Listen actively.
The first step in using “I understand” effectively is to actively listen to the other person. This means giving them your full attention, asking clarifying questions and repeating back what you’ve heard to ensure you’ve understood their perspective. When someone feels heard and understood, they’re more likely to be open to hearing your own perspective.
2. Acknowledge their feelings
Once you’ve listened to the other person’s perspective, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but simply that you understand where they’re coming from and how they’re feeling. For example, you might say something like, “I can see that this situation is really frustrating for you.”
3. Validate their perspective
Validation is an important part of showing empathy and understanding. This means acknowledging the validity of the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with it. For example, you might say something like, “I can see how you would feel that way given your experience.”
4. Share your perspective
Once you’ve listened, acknowledged their feelings, and validated their perspective, it’s time to share your own. Using “I understand” as a bridge, you can start by saying something like, “I understand where you’re coming from, but from my perspective…” This shows that you’ve heard and respected their point of view, but also allows you to share your own without causing defensiveness or conflict.
5. Keep the conversation constructive
Even in the midst of an argument, it’s important to keep the conversation constructive. This means avoiding blame or accusations and focusing on finding a solution that works for both parties. Using “I understand” can help to create a positive and respectful tone, even during disagreement.
Remember, using “I understand” doesn’t mean you have to agree with someone else’s perspective or give up your own. Rather, it’s a way of showing empathy and understanding, which can lead to more productive and positive conversations. By actively listening, acknowledging their feelings, validating their perspective, sharing your own, and keeping the conversation constructive, you can use these two magic words to win any argument.